I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
