i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
