i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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