i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
love makes seman taste better
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
