You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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