My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
