i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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