Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
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