Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
