he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
