i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
