i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize