my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
