ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
