He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
