If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Your penis caused this!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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