I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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