I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
