Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize