I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
