I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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