You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Boobs speak an international language.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
