i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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