remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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