Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
