is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
