Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
