Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I want a musical about memes.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
