College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize