i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
