I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
