You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
and she was petting her beer can
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
don't judge my taste in strippers
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
