I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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