i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
