I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
No subtext here. People are naked.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
