Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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