I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize