Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
