from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
