His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
