If that was your dad, he is hot
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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