Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
