i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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