I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
