he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
