I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
