Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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