I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Randomize
