I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
