I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
