Don't you send me to vm
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
