Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
