i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
