She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
