she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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