You're my little dorito
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
