I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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