We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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