I wish you could order shots online.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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