I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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