You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
