All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I licked your asshole in confidence.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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