3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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