my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
