dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize