she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
