you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
