I need help removing her.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize