Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize