Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
