Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
