That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
