I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
