I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
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