KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
