Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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