Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just blew my weed a kiss
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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