you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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