I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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