I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Come see our sink grown plant.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
