sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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