I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
