So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think I died a long time ago.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize