It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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