Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
