Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
