Just fell off a train. Bad.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
