So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
