I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
