there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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