I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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