there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
