Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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