he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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