M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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