Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
