The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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