My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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