Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
