A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize