And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
