you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
