he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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