3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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