just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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