im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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