5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Even my vagina gasped.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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