Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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