Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
