1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
