there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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