why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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