Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
