Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
